I recently read a social media post by a young girl in early recovery. She created an anonymous profile to document her sober journey and to keep her stories hidden from friends and family. Having made it to five days without drinking, she decided to share this progress with a friend, who in turn made a joke about having “only made it five days” versus her who had achieved two weeks alcohol free.
The first line in this young ladies post read “the lonely side of recovery”, and that struck a bit of a chord with me. It really took me back to the early days of my own sobriety, which at the time of writing this was almost eight and a half years ago. I can remember as clear as day how choked up I became when admitting to a recovery group that “my name is Derek and I’m an alcoholic”. This admittance was to a group of strangers no less, and not even someone close in my life.
I felt so much shame realizing that I was an alcoholic, and at that time I was definitely very private about it. However as time progressed, I began letting other people in my life know. Fear of being judged made this process rather slow and I was quite selective with whom I shared my personal struggles with. I always envisioned telling people only to be met with rejection, laughter and a negative perception.
Much to my surprise, almost all of my “reveals” were positive experiences. Telling a colleague while working together was one of my first attempts at sharing what I was dealing with. This was maybe one or two months into recovery. I remember him responding so very casually saying “my uncle is an alcoholic”, and that was it. There was no judging, giggling, asking me to vacate the vehicle and never speaking to him again. We discussed the issue for maybe another minute and then carried on the same as always.
Another time I was on my first trip since I’d quit drinking, in Las Vegas of all places. I was enjoying a swim in the hotel pool when I started chatting up a young couple. After getting to know one another a bit the guy offered me a beer. I said to them, quite unexpectedly to myself “no thank you, I’m actually an alcoholic”. I hadn’t planned on being so blunt, and I delivered this message very casually. My admission was met with smiles and a friendly “wow, good for you”.
Over the years as my confidence grew in terms of being an alcoholic, I’ve become extremely comfortable with sharing this with other people. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t go shouting from the rooftops in search of praise and “attaboys”. I don’t usually tell my co-workers either, mainly because I tend to keep work and personal life separate. I have shared with my bosses though and a select few that I’ve grown close with. Every time I have I’ve received a warm reception.
I find the more I share, the more questions people have for me. It’s because I’m not the only one who’s dealt with alcoholism. Many people know someone who is struggling, or maybe they are having issues themselves. And so when I open up I like to think it helps other people do the same.
So back to the start of this story, and the young woman who shared her recovery progress with a friend only to be met with a joke in return. It’s so unfortunate that this reality exists as it is very discouraging to those trying to heal. It takes a lot of courage to open up and let other people into the darker parts of our world, so encountering negatively can be unbelievably deflating. When that’s the outcome of a first attempt at opening up it can quickly make us shut down.
I sure hope she, and many others continue to share their tales of recovery, struggles and victories with addiction and receive the support and respect they deserve. This is why I am motivated to write, share and put my face to alcoholism. I want to be a voice for those that haven’t found theirs yet. I want to help remove the stigma that is attached to alcoholism. I want to help people realize that whether it’s five days or five years, any amount of sobriety is worth recognition.
To my social media friend, I say be proud of making five days without alcohol. There are endless communities of people that will tell you the same. Never let someone bring you down for the success you have built up. Every day you don’t drink is a win for you, and that is something you should always feel great about.
For me, I can humbly say that with over eight years of sobriety I will have no trouble making it through today without a drink. And for that I am grateful. I am also grateful for people like you that share their experiences because it reminds me of just how tough recovery can be, and where I would be if I ever drank again. Keep chasing the peace and happiness you deserve. Let yourself live!
