At the company Christmas party and worried what to say when someone offers you a drink? Nervous about the upcoming wedding and how to respond if someone asks why you’re not enjoying the open bar? Playoff time and you’re supposed to meet your friends to watch the championship game?
The fear of having to explain to others can be very real and make attending social functions challenging, especially in early sobriety. But you needn’t hibernate until the end of time in order to avoid these situations. Until you’re fully comfortable sharing the truth (which may never happen), having a few well-rehearsed reasons to give out can help you feel prepared and confident in dealing with a potentially stressful situation.
Here are 5 Simple reasons you can give as to why you’re not drinking:
- I don’t drink. To me this is the best answer and there is no reason to feel ashamed in sharing this. And the nice part is this statement doesn’t disclose that you’re an alcoholic in recovery, that you’ve got an allergy to alcohol or that you have had any past trouble with alcohol. It’s just a simple statement, and one that most people won’t challenge. This is great when being offered a drink from a new acquaintance, however it can open up questions from those that have drank with you before. Something to keep in mind is do they really need you to drink in order for them to have fun? You can easily substitute “I’ve decided not to drink tonight” in the presence of former drinking companions.
- I’m taking medication. This is another answer that will rarely get challenged. Most people don’t want to pry, or at least pry too far into the medical situation of others. It’s unlikely that someone will rebut with “yeah, well what are you taking?” or “what’s wrong with you?”. That said, I’ve been on medication pre-sobriety and that didn’t always deter me from drinking. Be ready to hold firm ground against friends that suggest “well you can at least have one”. And remember, true friends shouldn’t pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do!
- I’m the designated driver. Twenty years ago this excuse wouldn’t maybe have carried as much weight, but in today’s society most people are respectful and even appreciative towards someone who has taken on the dreaded role of designated driver. They may even feel empathy towards you, thinking you’re taking one for the team by trading fun for safety. Again, be mindful that some people don’t take this responsibility too seriously and still may try and talk you into a drink or two. Remain confident and vigilant in yourself.
- I’m changing my lifestyle. In a health-minded society that sees fitness trends and lifestyle changes come as the wind blows, many people are very understanding and accepting of varying lifestyles. Adding the fact that you want to live a healthier life will often get a nod of approval from your companions and usually be sufficient justification as to why you’re not drinking. And you can be ready to shift the conversation by discussing the non-alcohol related changes you are making. Perhaps it’s sharing a new workout routine or a hobby you’ve taken a passionate interest in. The fact is people are always making lifestyle changes and you should be proud you are too.
- I’m an alcoholic. This has become my go-to in many situations. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t go screaming it from the rooftops at every chance I get. And I don’t say it with any resentment or aggression towards whomever is offering me a drink or asking why I’m not partaking. I simply state it matter-of-factly. And the amazing part about this is the amount of intrigue it can generate. To no surprise, most people know an alcoholic or someone who is struggling with alcoholism. Therefore a lot of people understand. It does however open up the flood gates to a lot of questions. Not so much towards my drinking history, but because people are curious about the behaviour of someone they know. It opens a lot of dialogue that I will gladly participate in.
While you should never feel threatened to justify why you’re not drinking, having a few reasons ready to share can help ease the strain of re-introducing yourself back into the social scene. I believe it’s important not to rush this move as it can set off many triggers. But I do think that it’s important that we maintain a social lifestyle even in sobriety, because we deserve it. You deserve it. Let yourself live!
